Hysterical Translations

So for giggles I ran my recent spanish essay through a translator. These translators are so funny because they sort of know what is being said but thet arrange things in an insane way. Here is what the translator made of my paper:

Me Life This text is a window present life. My life this ventured but is not pleasant. I am called Julie and I been 30 years old. In the past I lived in many states but now alive in Corvallis, Oregon. Alive in a house “Witham Hill Oaks” is called. I share my apartment with handcuffs to me, our Jan friend and our dogs Freyja and Moose. We are a very contented family. Our apartment is very small, but it is sufficient for me. I like to live circa on the University. I am instructor and student of English. I like to teach. Desire to teach in the future also. Work and study much. Every week work and study in a demanding way. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays to very early wake up and way to me to the car shutdown bus. I teach to classes of writing to eight and the ten. At noon I visit me wife and ways the coffee by lunch. Two I attend the Spanish class. I like Spanish, but it is very difficult on long time of English writing and Literature. I need much concentration by the orations easy. The nights I cook food by my family and mirro CSI and The Colbert Report. Tuesdays and Thursdays I attend a class of Willa Cather and Charlotte Perkins Gilman. This class is favorite me. Tuesdays I help to teach new instructors. I do not have long free time but I like to work in my garden Saturdays and Sundays. Now culture the peas, brócoli, onions, cucumber and lettuce. My life is similar garden, always money changer and to bloom.